


A Heart To Heal

by Heliocat



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angst, Camping, Gen, Melancholy, Support, Tears, forest, friends - Freeform, raining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-23 08:49:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23008852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heliocat/pseuds/Heliocat
Summary: Mokona transports them to a world which is always raining. There are no feathers here, but it allows the party a chance to rest and for one of their number in particular to deal with some difficult emotions bottled inside for way too long. Kurogane offers a stoic shoulder upon which they can shed some tears.
Relationships: Fay D. Fluorite & Kurogane & Sakura & Syaoran (CLAMP), Kurogane & Syaoran | Li Tsubasa, Sakura | Tsubasa/Syaoran | Li Tsubasa
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	A Heart To Heal

**Author's Note:**

> I love Tsubasa so much. The artwork is beautiful, and the story intricate and tragic. Syaoran <3   
> Another older hard drive fic, but only actually finished within the last month. I had writer's block with how exactly to end this piece.  
> Thanks to CLAMP for creating Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle - this is a work of fanfiction and I do not own any intellectual property. British English spellings used throughout.

The world they had come to had a sky that was eternally melancholic. Since they had arrived a little over a day ago, it had not once stopped raining; it had merely alternated between drizzle, showers, murk and storm-like downpours, the heavens wide open and grey as the cold liquid fell endlessly from the atmosphere. There had been no signs of civilisation, no people or evidence of intelligent life in any shape or form. Neither had Mokona picked up on any feathers being in this world. There had been only rain.

Finding themselves alone in the wilderness, it had been Syaoran and Kurogane who had combined their knowledge and strength to craft a makeshift shelter, Syaoran being used to camping on the fly thanks to his previous travels as an archaeologist and Kurogane possessing the physical strength needed to collect and prepare the materials. Using strong sticks, leafy branches, mud and moss, they had managed to throw up a small, lean-to shelter propped up against a couple of trees that at least kept the worst of the rain out. Fai had been next to useless with the physical work, as always, but he had kept watch over the Princess and found some food to eat while 'father and son' were out practicing 'manly bonding'.

Of course, those were Fai's terms and, while Mokona joined in with the teasing, they were not the terms of the group. He regretted it in a giggly fashion after Kurogane had chased him and Mokona angrily around the trees for a while.

"Kuro-puu is always so angry!" he laughed, making fake whistling sounds as he navigated the maze of trunks, his lithe body darting more nimbly around the plant life than Kurogane's more stocky frame, almost mocking his dark ninja companion in his natural ability to evade attacks. There was a fair amount of annoyed swearing from Kurogane and he quickly gave up the chase. The magician wasn't worth the effort.

Despite there being no obvious feathers in this world, Mokona had refused to move them onwards just yet. His excuse had been that he was too tired to transport them and the group was in need of a rest. He also said that some of them needed time to 'let their hearts heal a little'. They were unsure on exactly what he meant by that, but without his co-operation they were unable to switch dimensions. It had probably been an instruction from Yuko, and Mokona never deviated from her guidance. All they could do was wait, rest, and try to get out of the rain.

"It's so cosy in here," Sakura commented, smiling with that peaceful, faraway expression she often wore as she sat curled up in the shelter wearing Syaoran's green cloak over the top of her own clothes to stay warm and dry. Syaoran sat next to her, finding it to be more claustrophobic than cosy, but glad to be out of the rain. His hair and clothes were clinging uncomfortably to his skin from being soaked, giving him the haggard appearance of someone that had just dragged themselves fully clothed out of a swimming pool.

"It'll be a bit cramped at night," he stated, looking up at the low, muddy ceiling. Hardly the perfect living space for a princess, he thought, feeling guilty. He should have made a better effort, made something larger and less filthy. "At least it'll be warm. I hope it doesn't start leaking."

"I don't mind the size. I like spending time with you four - it'll be fun!" she replied. Mokona appeared at the entrance to the hut, having escaped the worst of Kurogane's wrath, shaking the water from his short fur and showering them with drops from his ears.

"Mokona agrees with Sakura," he said. "Camping together will be fun! Mokona can be snuggle buddies with all of you - even Kuro-puu!"

"Don't count on it cream-puff," Kurogane growled, panting slightly from chasing Fai around as he flopped down in the shelter, looking just as wet as Syaoran. The younger two scooched over so he had a bit more space, Sakura picking Mokona up off the floor and sitting him on her knee as she did so. Kurogane removed his headgear and ran his fingers roughly through his short, spiky hair to shake off the worst of the water. "I'd sooner sleep in the rain than sleep with you."

"Aww - Kuro-puu's so mean!"

"Stop calling me that!"

Sakura giggled and smiled again. "Don't worry Mokona. You can sleep with me."

"Yaaaaaay! Sakura, you're so sweet!" Mokona leapt up from her lap and hugged her.

"You can sleep with me too Mokona - Kuro-rin is just grumpy," Fai commented, squeezing into the tiny shelter now Kurogane had calmed down somewhat. He was less damp than the other boys in the travelling party, his thick clothing designed for winter weather having no problems keeping the water off him. He'd simply pulled his hood over his head and waited for the shelter to be constructed. Kurogane muttered something unsavory about Fai under his breath, but kept his anger to a minimum. "This place is pretty nice considering," Fai commented, leaning back against one of the supporting trunks. "It's cosy."

"That's exactly what I said too. It's quite friendly really. It reminds me of something that happened when I was younger," Sakura said. "I remembered it from the last feather you reclaimed for me. I had gone exploring outside the city walls with someone, but while we were out a sandstorm started blowing. We didn't have time to return to the city, and I didn't know what to do in those situations, but whoever I was with was pretty familiar with the surroundings. They took me by the hand and led me to a tiny cave mostly hidden in the dunes. It was really small - probably only big enough for one adult - but we both managed to squeeze in there and were protected from the sand until the winds died down. I can remember them giving me their cloak and goggles as well, to protect my eyes from the sand, even though it left them exposed to it. It was really cosy in the cave, and I remember feeling happy to be there with them despite the danger, but I can't remember who that person was. I remember my brother was really upset at me when I came home - he yelled at me and he was especially angry with the person I was with. I don't think he liked that person very much."

Syaoran caught the look Kurogane shot him, and he avoided further eye contact with the older man. Kurogane always seemed to see and understand more than he usually let on, and Syaoran knew Kurogane could read him like an open book. Not just any open book either, but a large-print picture book for children, with Kurogane taking the part of an educated scholar with a degree in literature. Syaoran had always thought himself a private person, capable of and preferring to hide his painful feelings from everyone, but Kurogane was just that much more perceptive than most. Thankfully, he also knew how loyal Kurogane was, so he was safe in the knowledge that his friend would not mention his true feelings to the Princess. Knowing how he was feeling would only worry and confuse her. This was his price, and for her sake he had to endure it.

"That's such a sweet memory," Fai said.

"Whoever it was must have been really brave," said Mokona. Sakura nodded.

"I really wish I could remember who they were - I seem to have a lot of gaps in the memories I've recovered. It would be nice just to remember their face or learn their name. I'm sure, in time, I'll remember," she mused out loud.

Kurogane shot the kid another look, trying to gauge his emotion. He was refusing to make eye contact, staring instead at the middle distance somewhere to his left, but he could still tell from his general body language that each one of the Princess' perfectly innocent words were cutting deep, stinging his soul like angry bees. His body was stiff, stoic as he took the emotional beating. Poor kid. At least he and Fai had provided physical attachments to the Dimensional Witch. Whilst his sword had been his life, losing it had not taken away his fighting spirit. You can always buy another sword. Besides, he was going to return to that warped version of Japan and reclaim his weapon, so it wasn't like he'd lost it. The Dimensional Witch was just 'borrowing' it. And despite giving the Witch his tattoo, the wizard could still use magic; Kurogane had seen him do it, although he pretended otherwise. Fai was certainly sneaky, and there was more to him than met the eye, of that Kurogane was certain. Syaoran's price, however, was just too tragic.

"Excuse me for a second, would you," Syaoran said quietly, rising to a crouch.

"Syaoran-kun? It's still raining..." Sakura said, confused.

"I won't be long," he replied. He smiled at her briefly before turning away and crawling out into the abysmal weather.

Kurogane watched him leave, a grimace briefly gracing his features as his eyes followed the kid out of the shelter and into hiding amongst the trees. 

"Did I say something wrong?" Sakura asked.

"Why do you ask that, Sakura?" Fai questioned her.

"It's just, Syaoran seemed upset about something... I didn't know if it was my fault..." Sakura was as perceptive as Kurogane, probably more so, especially about the emotions of others. She could communicate with natural wonders that usually had no voice of their own, so sensing the distress of others came relatively easy to her. Kurogane quickly glared at Fai, warning him not to say anything. Fai caught his sharp expression, his eyelid flickering as he got the message.

"He seemed fine to me," Fai said with his usual grin. "I bet nature just called for him at an awkward moment; these things do happen. He'll be back soon."

Fai's eyes flickered back to Kurogane. 'Job well done', they seemed to say, as Sakura seemed satisfied with his comment. One bad point about the Princess - she was easily fooled by lies, and Fai was the king of lying. Kurogane blinked, breaking his staring match with the Wizard. He let a couple of minutes go by before sighing and rising to his knees himself.

"I'll go and check on him," he stated blandly.

"Make sure you don't walk in on him doing something private!" Fai called jovially. Kurogane tutted at him.

"Like I'd do that," he growled. "I'll be back soon."

The rain continued to fall from the weeping sky as Kurogane tramped into the forest following the fresh tracks in the mud left by Syaoran. He didn't have to walk far; the kid had made it into a clearing and that was where he stood now, staring upwards at the tumultuous grey sky and feeling the precipitation lash down upon his face.

"Hey kid," Kurogane called out to him. He saw Syaoran jump in surprise before he spun round to face him.

"Kurogane! You startled me!"

"Looks like we need to work more on your perception skills. You shouldn't let your guard down, even when you're at your most vulnerable. What if I'd been a demon?"

"Sorry..."

"Don't apologise!"

"...Sorry..."

Kurogane sighed. As much as he taught the kid regarding fighting and strength, there was no changing his personality. Unless something drastic happened to him, Syaoran would probably always be overly polite and apologetic. He wouldn't be Syaoran if he wasn't. Hell, it surprised him every time the kid came up with a suggestion that even hinted at being morally dubious, but he was a determined little brat when he wanted to be.

"Listen kid, about what the Princess said back there..." Kurogane began, but he never finished. He didn't need to. For once, Syaoran wasn't trying to hide his emotions.

"Why does it hurt more every time?" he asked, clutching at his soaked shirt with one hand. "It broke my heart the first time, when she didn't recognise me and asked who I was, but I thought I'd eventually get used to it and just enjoy the new memories we were creating... I thought I'd just become acclimatised to it, would get used to the fact that she'll never regain those memories... but it never gets any easier to bear with time."

Kurogane said nothing. Syaoran just needed to talk, to let some bottled emotions free. He needed a listener, not someone offering false comforts. Just an ear. This is something he could provide.

"It never gets easier because I still have those memories! I still have them and I can't forget. Sometimes I wish I could - I wish Yuko would remove my memories of our relationship the same as she did with the Princess, but I know if that happens then I'd be less inclined to search for her feathers because the bond would no longer be there. I'd have no reason to be so determined. She needs me to remember, even if she can't, but... it's killing me." 

He stared upwards at the sky again, the rain streaking his face.

"It's as if the sky is crying for me..." he commented sadly.

"You know, it's alright to cry," Kurogane told him. He didn't mention that he and Fai had seen him crying once before, back in the Hanshin Republic when they had first started their journey. That had been in the rain too. Since then, Syaoran had bottled away his feelings. "We wouldn't think any less of you because of it." Syaoran shook his head.

"I can't," he said. "I feel that if I start, I'll never stop."

"You would," Kurogane said. "Strength shouldn't be measured by the ability to hide ones emotions. Wearing your emotions on your sleeve and dealing with them shows more strength than any macho routine. So if you need to cry, go ahead and do it, and do it for as long as you deem necessary."

"Kurogane..." His voice was breaking now. He was on the verge of breaking down. He turned his face away from Kurogane, not wanting him to see...

"I won't tell anyone," Kurogane assured him.

With that, Syaoran gave a giant sob, sank to his knees, and endless tears fell from his eyes, tears kept locked away for far too long. He cried into the mud, hands balled into fists as he let his wild emotions ride around inside his head.

Kurogane watched on sadly. Syaoran was the type who made little to no noise when he cried; if it wasn't for the vibrations of his small body caused by sobbing, you'd never guess he was actually in tears. He didn't comfort the kid; hugs and kind words were not his style. He was more the tough love type of person, but Syaoran knew that. Him just being there and not leaving him to cry alone was enough.

After ten minutes or so, his pain had reduced itself to the occasional sniffing. He'd cried out all his frustration and sorrow, leaving behind a husk that stared blankly at the sodden soil beneath his hands as the last few tears mixed with the rain on his face and trailed down his nose to drip to the ground.

"Feel better?" Kurogane asked quietly. Syaoran shook his head in reply, not looking up. "Didn't think so."

Syaoran leant back onto his haunches, straightening up and wiping his eyes with the back of his wrists. He sniffed loudly, clearing his nose and regaining his composure. Kurogane noted that his body language had changed subtly; while he was still depressed, and probably would be for quite some time, the intense weight of emotional pain had been lifted somewhat, making it easier to bear.

"Listen kid, you don't need to hide your emotions from me. In future, just cry when you need to. Find a quiet corner and go wild," he said. "I'm sure even the cream puff and the brainless Wizard would understand if you needed some time alone, but don't keep it bottled away. I can't even imagine how it must feel to be experiencing the pain you are, but by not confronting your emotions you're hurting the Princess just as much as you're hurting yourself. That girl cares about you, even if she can't remember why." 

Syaoran looked shocked by that last statement. He looked up with a slightly worried expression on his face.

"She picked up on your emotion today, and she's been worrying about you for some time," he explained. "She thinks it's her fault."

"She always was perceptive..." Syaoran murmured.

"Too perceptive if you ask me," Kurogane agreed. "It's a little creepy." Syaoran chuckled a little at that. The thought of Sakura being seen as 'creepy', especially by a hard as nails macho man like Kurogane, made him smile. "C'mon Kid, we should think about getting back before the wizard starts coming to his own conclusions about the length of our disappearance... being a 'father' is bad enough..." he grumbled, to which Syaoran frowned, not understanding.

"Conclusion?"

"Never mind," Kurogane said. He searched his pocket as he approached Syaoran and pulled out a slightly damp but clean handkerchief, which he shook out of its creased state and dropped on top of the boy's head. "Wipe your face, make yourself presentable." Syaoran tugged it off his hair and used it to pat his eyes and blow his nose. He stood up, gripping the newly grubby piece of fabric tightly in one hand.

"Did you... erm... want this back?" he asked sheepishly.

"No," Kurogane said, eying up the now snotty hankie. "You can keep that."

"Thank you, Kurogane," Syaoran replied. "For... everything."

"No problem," Kurogane said dismissively. He pointed at the space behind him with a thumb. “C’mon kid.”

As they traipsed back through the woodland to the lean-to, the rain, a constant feature of this world until that point, came to a gentle stop. A small gap in the clouds above revealed a cheery blue sky. Syaoran glanced up at it, the sunny patch slicing through the melancholy nimbus layer, and smiled. He may not have felt any less pain, but knowing he had his friends accompanying him on his journey at least made it easier to bear. Besides, the Princess may never remember their past, but he was forging new and exciting memories with her every day. He hadn’t lost her, and with every world they visited she got stronger and their bond grew closer. At that moment, the future looked decidedly brighter.


End file.
